I feel that grief about my decision to allow my son to be circumcised almost 19 years ago, but I do not hide from it. It is that grief that gives me the strength to continue the battle, to bring the real information to light, educate parents, and to work towards having male circumcision banned.
IT's like I say continuously: We are parents, we are not perfect. If we have made a mistake, if we feel guilty about a decision we made in the past, then OWN it. Do what you can to make that mistake count for something, even if it's just admitting that we were wrong and doing what we can to make it right.
Circumcision and Mothers
I and my husband lately have been talking, and the issue of circumcision (I really hate that name, it makes it sound all pretty and clinical, I personally prefer genital mutilation and human right's violation) has really been weighing on our hearts lately. We want to get more involved - in helping people, in educating people, and in the political arena.
Some people I'm sure think that I am judgmental or dogmatic. I'm really not. It just hurts my heart so much and I feel so much compassion towards all those poor baby boys out there and their loving but naive moms.
I especially like just talking about the myths - there are so many crazy myths out there about circumcision, and its so interesting to me when people say, oh, I didn't know that - or - I didn't realize that. Its the same as when I was teaching and a student finally gets that light of understanding in their eyes, and you know that you did your job well that day.
Moms are especially hard. I think a lot of mothers have damaged psyches as well. If they admit that it was something that was wrong, that they deliberately harmed their child, they would have to go through a grieving process and would have to live with the sorrow of that decision. It is easier to cling to their cultural/social/religious biases than to deliberately open themselves up to pain. It takes a strong, intelligent, confident woman to admit that circumcising her sons was wrong. I really feel sorrow and compassion towards both type of mothers - the strong and the weak. Link to help with grieving circumcision
Some moms hang so tightly onto their beliefs, that even if their adult son came to them and said, I wish you had not done this to me, I wish I had my foreskin, I'm going to have to spend a lot of money and work very hard on restoring my foreskin - even if they were armed with this information, and could go back in time knowing what they know now - they still would circumcise. And that is something I barely understand.
Some moms actually have had the gall to say - if he doesn't know what he's missing, he won't miss it. And who's going to tell him that he should miss it but some vigilante mom telling him that circumcision is wrong. That is one of the most sexist statements I have ever come across on a board. I discussed this with my husband, and he says that it is very prevalent today to think of men of being incapable of thinking for themselves. You can be as insulting as you want to men these days - its like some sort of feminist payback. Just turn it around and apply it to women - oh, your family has breast cancer, so we're going to cut off your child's breasts - don't worry, if she doesn't know what she's missing, she won't miss it. Some man might tell her that what was done to her was wrong, but we'll continue to tell her that it is no big deal, and she'll believe us. She doesn't have much of a brain and won't look it up for herself. Etc. Etc. Etc. sigh.
Link to show what "he is missing"
Prepuce video - The Prepuce an informative video
Circumcised men psyche ink
The things that women will say astounds me, especially on the topic of GM. I keep hearing, it should be a parent's choice. Why? Men are suing doctors RIGHT NOW AND WINNING for mutilating their genitals WITHOUT THEIR INFORMED CONSENT. Who cares if a parent gives their consent - as a doctor, they are obliged by their own ethical code to do no harm to their patient without an informed consent. A baby, obviously, can not give consent. So all these doctors are very obviously being sued for malpractice. DUH. Of course, until it reaches the billions of dollars that performing circumcisions bring in, unfortunately, it is all just a drop in the bucket.
Which comes back to helping parents. The most fervent intactivists I know are the ones who allowed their first born to be circumcised, and then discovered too late that it was the wrong decision. They are the ones who are spend countless hours helping educate parents so that those parents don't have to live with regret.
HERE to read the whole article on the original site
Hi Danielle,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for telling your story. It is unfortunate that medical systems ANYWHERE pay for circumcisions. Thank goodness Canada has stopped in all provinces. We still have a ways to go here in the US. 16 states have stopped, but the other 34 have yet to. Hopefully that will end soon.
At least you live in Canada, where the Crown never pays for it, where the Powers that Be frown on it, most hospitals don't offer it, and there is an entire region of the country (Maritimes) where the practice has ceased.
ReplyDeleteBetween 1880 and 1930, routine infant circumcision became fashionable among middle class English speaking middle class parents. Robert Gollaher published a book in 2000 on the USA history; Robert Darby in 2006 on the UK history. The NHS in the UK stopped paying for it in 1950, and the practice died out there except among Moslems. New Zealand stopped paying for it in 1969. By 1985, routine circ was gone from maternity wards in that country. Australia stopped paying for it in the 1980s and strongly discourages it. In Australia and Canada, the rate is around 10% and falling, and most circs are now performed by pediatricians who specialise in the surgery, and do it in their offices.
You have, in effect, become one of a growing number of non-Americans who, like me, have seen fit to join the battle to save the American Foreskin. The USA is the world's leading civilisation, in both science and popular culture. Most sex research is done on American subjects. The prestige of American academic journals, movies, and TV is crushing. This is why American mistakes and errors of judgement put all of us at risk.
Dear readers, if there is one thing that the American culture of sexuality has wrong, it is how the tip of the penis should look and work. Tens of millions of Americans simply do not know how Nature intended intimacy to work. They are so convinced of something wrongheaded, that they allow the most sensitive part of the penis to be altered without any anesthesia. The alter the penis so early in life that millions of everyday sexually conservative Americans have never seen an intact penis in the flesh. Most American women have never been intimate with an intact man. Europeans find this situation simply too weird for words. There are parts of the USA where adult men are more thoroughly circumcised than Israel, a country which has received many intact immigrants from the former USSR.
Americans pride themselves in their sexual sophistication. Their obsession with circumcision proves that they overrate themselves.
To Anonymous: *stands and applauds*
ReplyDeleteI feel like I could have written this blog. I too OWN my mistakes. Hiding from my mistake would not help me or either of my sons(one also circumcised and one not)
ReplyDeleteI wish I knew and understood all of this four years ago. In fact, I am already planning the discussion (and apology) I will be sharing with my son when he's older. For the moment, I'm just researching what things can possibly be done to help correct the mistake I made, and vowing to never do it again.
ReplyDeleteThank you! My 3 sons are intact, but I'm doing all I can to gently share info with others hoping and praying that other babies will be spared. If parents only knew the truth, very few would still choose to have a vital part of their new baby's penis painfully ripped off and amputated. Many parents still do not realize that this is agonizingly painful and traumatic, and very risky as well. Babies are often disfigured and even die. People also are ignorant of the tremendous value and benefits the foreskin gives. It protects the penis and is the most highly sexually sensitive part.
ReplyDeleteIt's bad enough to remove a part of someone's body without their consent, but to strap down a newborn and cut off part of his healthy penis with no painkillers is beyond cruel. I'm not trying to make anyone feel guilty! I'm actually always trying to walk a tightrope between sharing info and not pushing people away who aren't ready to hear it.
I have a cut husband and stepson. My husband now wishes he was intact with all the info I've shared, although he initially wanted our first baby cut so he wouldn't be "different". He just didn't know the facts. I imagine he regrets having his oldest son cut, but I haven't asked the details about that decision. This subject often brings up a lot of pain for men and women alike.
I highly recommend this site for abundant information: http://www.drmomma.org/2010/01/are-you-fully-informed.html.
wow
ReplyDelete